I have seen time and time again, and it seems more often these days, parents speaking and handling their children with such contempt and hostility and impatience that it breaks my heart in two.
When we continue to interact and speak with out children without love patience and sincerity, we are contributing to them growing up as angry, unhappy children who will bear the scars of emotional damage.
We may not think of ourselves as child abusers, but I assure you, if we are continuing to break our children's spirits, we are indeed child abusers. We have only a small amount of time where we have the opportunity to be our children's heroes. When they are young, they are so impressionable and want so desperately to please us and to be loved and cherished as we all do.
Children will react and exemplify the behavior they learn from their parents and caregivers, every single time.
I worked in a preschool during college, and while there I learned an invaluable lesson. I had some children in my class who were aggressive, who were often angry, and who struggled to have healthy relationships with other children.
In contrast, I had many children who were kind, gently, happy and content with most situations.
As I met and got to know the parents of all the children, it soon became evident where the children learned their behaviors. (Please know that I am not speaking about children who suffer with real behavior issues, cognitive disabilities, social disabilities, and the like.) What I witnessed was the parents who were most often aggressively pulling on their children, impatiently removing or putting on coats, threatening to discipline once home, etc. were the ones who had the most aggressive children.
Then I noticed the parents who came in smiling, hugging and being gentle with their children, both with their words and tone, as well as physically, were the parents with the most gentle children. The softer the parents spoke and behaved, the more kind were the children.
You may argue against this idea. You many want to discuss all the variables that can lead to children's behavior and personality, and I know you would have many valuable points and truths.
I also know there are exceptions. However, regardless of all that, if we want gentle, kind children, they MUST see it and feel it from us.
Please let's speak with kindness, handle with gentleness and be much more patient with these beautiful souls entrusted to us.
Love Much,
Monica Irvine
4 comments:
definitely true! but its easier said than done! im a "reformed angry parent" until i fall again and then im that angry parent again.
i dont know why. i dont know when i will finally win over myself.
we need more tools, grace, help instead of pointing it out. we know. we already know we should stop. we already dont want to do it but dont know how to stop.
im glad you've never struggled with these things, but its hard to relate to those of us who do... and i caution you not to sit there judging us and telling us to "just dont do it"... its beautiful in a blog post, but in reality its easier said than done.
and i know, i know, you mean the best. i know you do. id LOVE to be as positive, inspiring, loving, sweet natured, and polite as you. you inspire me, which is why i follow your blog.
its just... hard.
This is so good. I love what you said at a homeschool convention about correcting children in private, because it's embarrassing. Even in front of heir siblings. I've been working on this and it totally makes sense!
I agree with and think you're right, some compassion thrown in would help out moms that may know better but don't know how to always have the most patience. I'm in the opinion that unless you personally struggle in an area and Jesus has met you and given you the grace to overcome you won't be able to help people in love. We need to correct others, but with love- which means with compassion and gentleness. It gives them hope they might actually be able to overcome their struggles, but if you act like you already have it all together and it's as easy as "just do it" then you really aren't helping parents who are struggling with a strong willed child and their temper in general.
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