We Just Need to Be Kinder

I want to talk about a simple topic, but one I think we struggle with at times, especially inside the walls of our own homes.  It's kindness.

If I were to ask your spouse, companion or kids if you were kind, what would they say?

I think we would all admit that oftentimes, it's easier to be more kind to total strangers than to those we live with, but just because it might be easier doesn't mean that it's okay.

We have to put forth every

 effort to just be kind.

How do we do this?  Here are some great suggestions, but as you might imagine, there are endless opportunities.

Speak softly.  The more gentle and kind your tone of voice, the more likely those around you will listen.

Say "good morning" when you wake up and "hello" when you get home.  Remember that greetings are a polite way to address anyone when you first see them that day or after an absence.

Serve.  Small acts of unexpected services goes a long way in showing your love to others, especially your family.  Take a piece of cake home to your spouse, give your son a back rub, ask your daughter if you could help her do her nails--anything to show others you're thinking of them and enjoy making them happy.

Say "thank you" all the time.  "Thank you for doing the dishes."  "Thank you for watching what I wanted to watch." "Thank you for always being there."

Compliment more than complain.  Compliments go much further in creating love in a home rather than complaining.  I know it can be frustrating when you feel things aren't being done like they need to be done, or assignments or obligations are forgotten about, but complaining usually doesn't motivate people to act.  Most of us are inspired when our hearts are turned to someone in a positive way.  We want to please them.  We want to receive their praise.

Smile.  Let's be honest, how much fun is it to be around someone who's always frowning?  It no.  Just smile.  I'm not saying you have to show all your teeth all day every day, but there's a way to have a pleasant look on your face, and there's a way to have a scowl on your face.  Choose the smile.

Do it because you want to, not so you can get something in return.  If you're choosing to serve, to help, to compliment, etc. in order to get something in return, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Just do it because doing so makes you happy.  If no one notices, if no one says thank you, just be happy because you're living and loving the way you should and there's nothing that can satisfy you as much as being happy with yourself.

Have a great month and remember to be kind!

Monica Irvine

How Do We Teach Our Children to Have Moral Courage?

Can we teach courage?  Can we help our children to develop moral courage, the courage to stand up in the face of adversity, staying true to both themselves and the things that they hold dear and true?  As we look around, it’s easy to see that our society is struggling to not only identify moral conviction, but to also identify when and the best way to stand up and be a voice for good, a voice against oppression of the weak, and a  voice of strength for all that is right.

I believe that we absolutely can teach moral courage to our children who will need it to be engraved upon their hearts and minds in order to leave this world better than they found it.  We start, like with all things, when they are very young.  We start by helping our children to notice injustices, those in need and those who need an advocate.  It’s more than just noticing, but it realizing that we as individuals have enormous power to cause change.  

Unless we believe that one can make a difference, than we might shrink at the opportunity to do so.

A great way to start is to continually find and read about and discuss others from the past who have done just that.  There are so many books to read to our children, but why not be more purposeful in the books that we choose, starting when they are very young.  Look for books about common people who have demonstrated great courage, moral conviction and impeccable character and because of these qualities have made a huge difference in individual lives.  We never want to underestimate the importance of the single individual.  

Another wonderful thing we can do to teach courage to our children is to help them overcome things that they are afraid of.  Teaching our children to do hard things is imperative to their success.  Such things might be: going over to another child on the playground and introducing themselves and inviting them to play, role playing with our children what to do when they see another child being teased or bullied so  they are prepared to defend those who need defending, teaching our children to speak for themselves at a very early age by refraining from speaking for our children, and many other things.

Finally, it is important to help our children to identify their own strengths, talents and abilities that God has given them.  As they identify their unique abilities, as parents, it is our duty to help them to understand that the reason God has blessed each of us with these talents is to bless the lives of God’s other children.  When our children better comprehend that they have the power to do great good on this earth, it unlocks the doors of compassion, service and advocacy.

Courage is to act, even when we are afraid, but it takes practice.  Start today.

Want more resources for raising courageous children?  Check out our Fundamentals4kids program for ages pre-k through 3rd grade and our Life Skills For You program for ages 4th-12th grade.

Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

I would like to speak about a topic that I'm rather sensitive about as I see our society getting farther and farther away from this etiquette consideration.

It's polite to be aware of who is within our earshot when speaking about certain topics or using particular language.  

Something that has most definitely changed in recent decades is the manner that women and men will speak in the presence of those of the opposite sex.

Today it seems like there are little boundaries about conversation.

Let me give you a few things to consider.

Gentlemen, its not polite for you to speak about vulgar topics, use foul language, or speak about gross or inappropriate things when you're in the presence or earshot of ladies.

Recently I was stuck on a crowded bus with two gentlemen standing right in front of me wearing prestigious suits and holding professional briefcases.  They appeared to be quite the gentlemen.  Then they started speaking.

They began a discussion with me standing right in front of them, that was anything but appropriate.  I thought to myself, "I wonder why they think it's okay to speak like that in front of me?"  It was obvious--they didn't respect me or themselves enough to watch their tongue in front of a lady.  Let me remind you something about manners.

Manners are not lists of dos and don'ts.  They're an outward expression that shows how you feel about yourself and those around you.  That's why it matters.

Ladies, it not polite to speak negatively about men, use foul or inappropriate language, or speak of feminine health issues in the presence of gentlemen, especially those you don't have a close personal relationship with.

As ladies you want to seek helping those around you feel comfortable, and as you speak in a way that is ind, generous, and gracious, others will be more comfortable in your presence.

Both ladies and gentlemen should be careful to keep their conversation positive, upbeat, and cheerful when speaking at the dinner table.  You want to be a source of strength, encouragement, and positive energy to others, and the way you use your tongue will most definitely be a source of strength or a source of weakness to yourself and others.

Do your best to be aware of those around you when it comes to your language and speech.  

Yes, this is a free country, and yes, you may say whatever you want to.  Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Restraint and respect are two traits that every gentleman and lady has.  Do you?

Monica Irvine